


Dark Times

by assassi



Series: (You can have my back) Any Day [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Eddie POV, Eddie-centric, Friendship/Love, Inspired by a The Weeknd Song, Kitchen Scene, M/M, Post Lawsuit, Pre-Relationship, Street fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassi/pseuds/assassi
Summary: He shouldn’t be surprised that he ends up here afterwards, and he’s not really. His hand is bloodied when he reaches to knock, his knuckles raw. His ribs are bruised but that’s not why he’s breathing so shallowly.
Relationships: Buddie - Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: (You can have my back) Any Day [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2099937
Comments: 5
Kudos: 179





	Dark Times

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Dark Times" by the Weeknd and Ed Sheeran.
> 
> I don't own 9-1-1 and this (whole 3piece series) is written purely for fun. Hence, if you had fun reading - feel free to share so :)

_Waking up, half past five  
Blood on pillow and one bruised eye_ _…_

Awareness comes slowly to Eddie, his eyes cracking open and a groan slipping from chapped lips, bottom one split. Everything hurts, his body protesting everything he’s been putting it for the last… has it been weeks? A month? He has no recollection. He has no idea whether that’s from taking too many hits at his head or just going with the flow with his life lately.

There’s a quiet knock on his door.

“Dad? School starts soon.”

Shit.

“Coming, buddy”, he rasps out, his throat dry and painful.

Heaving himself out of the bed, it takes everything not to curse. Or sob. Or give up. But he can’t, because his whole life is waiting for him just outside the door.

He means Chris, of course. There is no other meaning for his life.

*

And then, because life hates him, Buck chooses today to confront him.

Buck corners Eddie just as he enters the station, another apology ready on his lips. This one contains just as much frustration as Eddie’s been feeling for weeks now, and a little anger. Buck’s been apologizing to them all and eventually even Bobby had forgiven him. Truth is, Eddie is tired of holding out a grudge that is just barely masking a whole lot of other feelings. He slips on a smile, just a slightly strained one and accepts Buck’s bear hug with a barely hidden wince.

Buck sees.

Of course he does.

He doesn’t dare ask, their friendship just barely patched-up. But the worry is clear in his eyes.

And, if Eddie dares to hope, to see, to admit it to himself… more than just worry.

_This ain't the right time for you to fall in love with me  
Baby I'm just being honest  
And I know my lies could not make you believe  
We're running in circles that's why_ _…_

They had been going somewhere, maybe, before everything went down. Maybe they had started walking that way from the moment they even met. By the time the tsunami happened Eddie was sure that they both leaned towards _more_ , still no one was ready to take that final step.

And then the fucking lawsuit had torn them up.

Now…

Now it is all too new again, too sensitive and tentative. He knows Buck sees his winces and at least speculates about the bruising and where it came from. He never asks, too scared not to cross a line again. But his jaw clenches and as he looks away quickly from Eddie’s every small flinch it’s clear in his eyes that it pains him to see Eddie like that, almost as much as it physically pains Eddie to _feel_ that way.

But he can’t stop. Not yet.

Until… he _has_ to.

_Light one up, let me bum a smoke  
Still calming down, dripping throat  
I got another man's blood on my clothes  
But an endless fog's the life I chose_ _…_

Lena tries to warn him, before going to Booby. Even when she does, it’s to defend him, after her own captain saw him on that cursed night, wearing a turnout with a name that wasn’t Diaz but Bosko. Honestly, he should be grateful. To both Lena and Bobby. His captain doesn’t fire him. Doesn’t even force a paid-leave on him, knowing that Eddie needs not just the money from his job but also the sheer adrenaline and physical side of it.

His obligatory meetings with Frank are to be expected.

Eddie hates every moment of them and that is to be expected too.

_Baby I'm just being honest  
And I know my lies could not make you believe_ _…_

And then Buck just has to tease him further.

They’re in the loft’s kitchen, taking another bottle of beer each, for the first time in weeks at ease with each other. Or so it seems.

“…she’s realizing that you can’t save someone from themselves. Not if they don’t want it”, Buck is saying.

“Ain’t that the truth”, Eddie mutters.

“…especially if you aren’t around to see that they need saving.”

Buck makes a dramatic pause, the silence loaded with meaning as their eyes meet.

“Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Eddie. When you and Chris needed me and I had my head so far up my own behind with that stupid lawsuit…”

“We’ve passed that, buddy…”, Eddie tries.

“I’m not! I should have been here… Maybe I could have talked some sense in you”, Buck insists. Eddie bites back a snort.

“You, talking sense into me. That would have been interesting.”

“I could have told you not to buy that truck”, Buck points. Eddie nods.

“Yeah, you’d have talked me into buying something more expensive.”

“Yeah, fair point”, Buck agrees.

“Look, things got a little out of hand for both of us. Don’t beat yourself up about it”, Eddie says.

“Why, ‘cause you’d rather do it?”, the blonde menace shoots back.

“Excuse me?”

Buck persists.

“Come on, Eddie, if you’re not gonna be honest with Frank, at least be honest about it with me.”

“Who said I’m not being honest with Frank?”, Eddie hedges.

“You said you two aren’t clicking”, Buck points again.

Damn. He’s too attentive when he wants to.

“I’m just not a therapy kind of guy”, Eddie deflects.

“Right, you prefer working that out on the ring”, Buck nods.

Eddie slips on a fake smile.

“There was no ring, Buck. There was a fence.”

Buck smirks back.

“Come on. You don’t think while you were going through your phase just maybe you were throwing the punches at the wrong guy?”

Eddie lifts an eyebrow.

“Seriously? You’re gonna make this about you? _Again_?”

“Look, I’m just sayin’ you were pretty pissed. I thought for sure at that store you were gonna take a swing at me.”

Eddie shrugs.

“You did deserve that. But I wouldn’t do it. You’re on blood thinners.”

“I could still take you.”

Eddie’s hackles rise. And, if he allows himself to go there, something else might, too.

“You think so?”, he asks darkly.

The blonde demon has the audacity to grin.

“I know. Wanna go for the title?”

Eddie wants. So much.

And not just the video-game-tournament they turn that into.

_In my dark times I'll be going back to these streets  
Promising everything I do not mean  
In my dark times, baby this is all I could be  
Only my mother could love me for me  
In my dark times (dark times), in my dark times (dark times)_ _…_

Still, the itch is there. His frustration after Shannon’s death and the closure he never really got with her, with Chris’ nightmares and feeling like an inadequate father again, with Buck and the lawsuit; it all turns into something else entirely.

Or it just goes back the way it… _they_ had been headed all those months ago, a pathetic yearning of what-could-have-beens.

And when the restlessness fills him up again, when Frank’s meaningless words only make him want to throw the punches even more, Eddie finds himself driving seemingly aimlessly.

Until he walks into a bar, zeroing on the guy most likely looking to pick up a fight and Eddie just drops off a line that is certain to start it.

_In my dark times I've still got some problems I know  
Driving too fast but just moving to slow  
And I've got something I've been trying to let go  
Pulling me back every time_ _…_

He shouldn’t be surprised that he ends up here afterwards, and he’s not really. His hand is bloodied when he reaches to knock, his knuckles raw. His ribs are bruised but that’s not why he’s breathing so shallowly.

The door opens. Buck, sleepy and disgruntled for being woken up, quickly reaches out, his eyes suddenly wide open as his hands gently guide Eddie over the threshold. He’s shocked and scared, words spilling out from his lips, ranging from curses to worried questions of “Where do you bleed from? Is anything broken? What do you need?”

“Shower. Just… shower”, Eddie rasps out.

Buck never asks what happened. Never admonishes him. Eddie knows that will come, later, but not now. Buck doesn’t insist for a hospital, knowing Eddie will turn defensive and deny. He’s just there, offering the best of his support.

Buck leads him into the bathroom Eddie’s seen so many times and knows perfectly well where it is in the loft. The blonde digs out fresh towels and some spare clothes, leaving them on the counter and turning to leave. Eddie knows he’s got to react, now. Now.

He moves, unplanned and clumsy, clutching Buck’s tee. He says nothing but Buck understands. He helps him undress and go under the shower and stays while Eddie slowly and sloppily rinses off. There’s nothing sexual in it, not now, in Buck being there with him. The blonde helps him dry off and pull on the clothes, _Buck’s_ clothes.

They go to bed in silence, curling up around each other, comforted by each other’s presence so close. In the morning they’ll talk; about Eddie’s slip and maybe, finally - about what they are to each other. But that’s not until a few more hours. For now, they get lost in each other and allow themselves to just be.


End file.
